You Have Two Cows

DEMOCRAT:

You have two cows.  Your neighbour has none.  You feel guilty.  You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.
So what?
SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.  You form a cooperative to help him manage his cow.
COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk that you wait in line for hours to get - only to find it is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.  You sell one, take a chance, buy a bull, and hope to build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows.  Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
WALL STREET:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.  You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an announcement to analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.  Your stock goes up.  You retire rich and decide to go into government to do "public service".
FRANCE:
You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.  You go to lunch and drink wine.  Life is good.
JAPAN:
You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are half the size of an ordinary cow and produce four times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school, which they go to six days a week.
GERMANY:
You have two cows.  You engineer them so they are all blond, drink beer, give excellent quality milk, and perform with precision.  Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
GREECE:
You have two cows.  But you don't know where they are.  You break for lunch.  Life is good.
RUSSIA:
You have two cows.  You drink some vodka.  You count them and you have five cows.  You drink some more vodka.  You count them again and now you have 10 cows.  The Mafia shows up and you have zero cows, with or without vodka.
FLORIDA:
You have two cows.  Everyone votes for the best looking one.   Some of the people who actually like the brown one accidentally vote for the black one.  Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.  Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
CALIFORNIA:
You have two million cows.  They make real California organic cheese.  Only half speak English.  Most are illegal.  Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
CANADA:
You have two cows.  They are polite, bilingual, and moo for royals, eh?
- with thanks to GoneSouth

Rodeo's First Superstar

Tom Three Persons riding at the 1912 Calgary Stampede

From the Glenbow Museum: "The great Canadian cowboy Tom Three Persons was born in March, 1888 to Ayakohtseniki (Double Talker), a Kainai (Blood) woman. His natural father was Fred Pace, a North West Mounted Police recruit-turned whiskey trader. An industrious boy, he worked as a mail carrier for the Indian Agency, as a scout for the NWMP and as a cowboy on roundup crews for local ranchers. He proved to be a hard worker, an excellent rider and an astute businessman. But in 1907, he lost the majority of his own herd over the disastrous winter of 1906 – 07, so he hired on as a cowboy for the annual fall roundup. His skill as a roper and rider so impressed friends and employers alike that, by 1908, they convinced him to enter the bronc riding at the Lethbridge Fair. A second-place finish launched his new career and for the next few years, he juggled rodeo competitions with life on the roundup. (The above bronc is not identified, but Three Persons earned the World Championship when he topped the black gelding, Cyclone, who had bucked off some 130 riders. Photo Courtesy of Glenbow Museum Archives).  The inaugural Calgary Stampede attracted competitors from all over North America and was held in August, 1912. At the end of the six-day event and in front of a very large and distinguished crowd, Three Persons became the only Canadian to win a top award when he rode the notorious Cyclone to a standstill. He was crowned the world’s bucking horse champion, having beat out the professional cowboys. Three Persons was pushed into the national spotlight; yet this flash of celebrity would be his first and last. Barred by racism from rodeos in the U.S. and unable to evade the paternalistic control of the Department of Indian Affairs at home, he was prevented from pursuing a professional career. Restricted to local contests, he continued to win respect as a rider and roper, and served as trainer and mentor to generations of Kainai youth. However, if he was frustrated in his progress as an athlete, he never allowed himself to be held back in commerce. The savvy businessman built his cattle and horse herds into an empire, despite the interference of Indian Affairs. Three Person’s home ranch, a few kilometres west of Spring Coulee, proved ideal; the corrals were the best quality, the house was large for its time and the barn was a showpiece. Three Persons, by now a wealthy man, became one of the most successful breeders of thoroughbred horses and purebred Herefords in southern Alberta. In 1946, he suffered a serious accident from which he never recovered, leading to his death in 1949 at the age of 63. In 1983, Tom Three Persons was the first contestant inducted into the Canadian Cowboy Hall of Fame."

America's First Rodeo, 18??

From The New York Times (1989): "THE question seems simple enough: who put on America's first rodeo?  But at least a century after the fact, the issue has been transformed into one of America's great bragging wars.  No one may ever know for sure which dusty Western cattle town really had the first rodeo, but rodeo's centennial has had at least three different celebrations in the last few years, each with its own claim to frontier immortality.  First came Pecos, Tex., in the bleak, arid reaches of West Texas, which in 1983 celebrated the 100th birthday of ''The World's First [1883] Rodeo.''  Some considered Pecos's claim a bit suspect because its West of the Pecos Rodeo had celebrated its 50th anniversary in 1979, but we'll get back to that.  The great centennial event in Pecos had barely passed into memory when Payson, Ariz., the next year celebrated the centennial of the nation's ''oldest [1884] annual continuous rodeo,'' replete with fanfare, commemorative 100th anniversary belt buckles and much reminiscing.  Not to be outdone, Prescott last year marked the 100th anniversary of the [1888] Prescott Frontier Days.  Making up with heavy ammunition what it lacked in timing, Prescott provided a 200-page book by Danny Freeman documenting its claim and took out a trademark for its designation as ''The World's Oldest Rodeo.''  Then again, the great debate between Pecos, Payson and Prescott may be moot because of claims that little-noticed cowboy contests in towns ranging from Santa Fe, N.M., to Deer Trail, Colo., where little-noticed rodeo centennials may have predated all three.  Hovering around the edges of the debate is the famous Frontier Days Rodeo in Cheyenne, Wyo., which doesn't claim to be first, but ambiguously bills itself as the ''Daddy of Them All.''  Like most issues, this one stays alive for two reasons: pride and money."  And from Wikipedia: "Following the American Civil War, rodeo competitions emerged, with the first held in Cheyenne, Wyoming, in 1872.  Prescott, Arizona, claimed the distinction of holding the first professional rodeo, as it charged admission and awarded trophies in 1888."  Having spent some time in Sheridan, Wyoming, my vote goes to that state, however - if we're talkin' ticket-takin' an' big 'ole belt buckles - Prescott has a case.

Canada's First Rodeo, 1890

The Wood Mountain Stampede, "121 years running and still going strong", not only holds the title as Canada's oldest rodeo - but also as Canada's longest continually running rodeo.  The Stampede is held annually on the weekend that includes the second Sunday in July (July 8, 9, & 10 in 2011).  It was even held through both World Wars because, although prairie men and boys volunteered to fight in record numbers, someone still had to run the farm or ranch back home.  The North West Mounted Police were sent to the Wood Mountain area of south central Saskatchewan (on Highway 18) to establish Queen Victoria's law in the late 1870s.  Sitting Bull had led his large Sioux tribe away from The Little Big Horn after defeating Custer in 1876 and the Canadian government was concerned that the Sioux would cause problems on this side of the border.  It charged Inspector James Morrow Walsh (of Fort Walsh fame) with maintaining control of what amounted to Canada's first peace-keeping mission.  Walsh succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, as he and Sitting Bull became close friends over the years, and there were never any serious problems caused by the American Indian settlers.  (Members of the tribe remain in the Wood Mountain area to this day.)  The village of Wood Mountain had a population of 20 as of June 2005.